It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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