Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
