WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
