It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
