it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
