just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
