we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
