i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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