Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
