I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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