haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
