Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
