the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
