You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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