a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want a musical about memes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
