Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
