he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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