he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
