hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize