Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
