I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
