If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is wine microwaveable?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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