Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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