Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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