ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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