have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
