The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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