I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize