i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
