remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
