You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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