I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
