you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
