I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
