Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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