true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girls should come with a carfax report
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dignity is for republicans.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
