"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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