I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
