so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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