Just cropdusted the office
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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