Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
