Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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