I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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