Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
