found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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