Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
