Jerry, you need to find god
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
