Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
