I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
