we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
