Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
