not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
