No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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