i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
