PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
