I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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