Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it because I queefed?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
