I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
