If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
