Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
