im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
