It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
