dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
