I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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