I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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