I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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