if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
